I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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