He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
