I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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