the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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