Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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