On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
