My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
