I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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