Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
