he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
