She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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