Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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