My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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