I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
