you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
