Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
