I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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