bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
