She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
