So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
