Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
