You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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