do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
