just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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