so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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