My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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