:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
