Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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