The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
