kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
