Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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