I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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