Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
