Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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