well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
