I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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