This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
