Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
