roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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