Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
