is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
