If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
