I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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