i just had sex bonerless
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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