around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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