I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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