I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
