I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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