Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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