4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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