there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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