so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
