...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
