I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
