I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
